Let's Not Be Perfect

Authors Note: This is kind of a rough draft so if anyone has any suggestions for this feel free to comment because it's open to changes. It was just kind something I threw together in like 15 minutes

When I was younger I knew my boundaries.  I was realistic and a little shy. I never interrupted my parents when they were talking. I used my manners, and I knew not to bother my brothers when they had friends over. My career choices consisted of being a teacher, or a doctor. I never went through a “Pop star” phase, and college was a main priority. I never got detention, and rarely got in trouble. I was a straight A student and I had to be the best at everything I did. No matter what it took. Being the predictable average adult was my childhood dream. But, when I was that age, there really wasn’t another option. It never crossed my mind that if I really wanted to I could drop out of high school, and start my own band.  I could go to Paris, meet the love of my life, and marry him the next day. Or even move to Guatemala and make some new friends. In my eyes, going to college, getting a degree, and getting married was all it took to live a happy life. I thought being perfect was how you lived life. But, its not. When I die, and I see my life flash before my eyes, I want there to be memories. Not ones like, “Oh, my wedding day was nice” I want fun memories. Moments that sucked when they were actually happening, but are the best to look back on. I don’t want my life to be perfect anymore. I want to make mistakes. I want to learn how it really is in the real world. Have experiences. Be spontaneous. I want to be the type of person who is sitting in their living room watching TV, and randomly decides to round of up friends and go on a cross country road trip to Nevada. I don’t want my life planned out for me. I don’t want a map, or a list of things I need to do. I want life to take me wherever it wants me to go.

 I don't want to force my life. I want to live it.

Missions

Sarah is a Jewish girl living in the holocaust of 1942. One night when police come to take their family away from their home, Sarah locks her brother in a closet to keep him safe. But, when she realizes that what she did, was basically murder him, she is determined to go back and save him. She has a mission, and that is to save her brother. Lily, on the other hand, is a little white girl, who lives in the town of Tiburon, South Carolina in 1964. In a freak accident, Lily basically murdered her mother as a toddler, and now the only family she has left is her abusive dad, T-ray. The emptiness of not having her mom there, consumes her.  Now Lily is left with one mission: to find out more about her mother. Sarah and Lily are from completely different backgrounds, and yet they are so similar. They both face the struggles of death and abuse.

Sarah and Lily both have to deal with the loss of a family member. Sarah loses her mom and her dad, and eventually her brother, and Lily loses her mother. This is what makes them so determined. Sarah was determined to find her brother, because she had already lost her parents, and if her brother dies, it’s all her fault. And Lily is determined to know more about her mother since she died when lily was young. Lily needs to know what her mother was really like, because she feels as f it will make her a better person. So, when death hits them both, neither of them were depressed and moped around, both of them picked themselves up, and finished what they had to do.

Not only did both of them finish their mission, but they both faced similar struggles along the way. Both girls were abused. Sarah, being in the holocaust was abused in the camps, and Lily, was abused by her alcoholic dad.  The physical and emotional pain the girls suffered was a lot to handle. At this point both of the girls keep going, and that is what I think, makes them so similar.

Throughout the whole trip the girls put themselves through they both kept the same steady, confident attitude. But, when the outcomes are different, things are put to a drastic change.  Lily, who had been looking for information about her mother’s past, had found her mother’s old friends, and the very place her mother used to live. And Sarah, who had wanted to save her brother, failed. Lily stayed with her mother’s old friends and grew up a happy little girl. But Sarah was never the same. She became depressed, and sad. So while one girls spirits were lifted higher, the other ones were being broken.

If Sarah had saved her brother, things would have turned out much differently. They both would have grown up with the same happy attitude, but since the outcomes were different, so were the personalities. Two girls had a mission, with the same character and determination, one came out victorious, and one didn’t. And that, is what made all of the difference. 

Begin Again Point Of View

Authors Note: Don’t get me wrong, this is my favorite song at the moment, and I love it, but I thought it would just be fun a write a creative piece for it because, well... It seemed interesting.

Took a deep breath in the mirror. He didn't like it when I wore high heels. But I do. Turn the lock. and put my headphones on. He always said he didn't get this song. But I do, I do.

Walked in expecting you'd be late. But you got here early and you stand and wave. I walk to you
You pull my chair out and help me in. And you don't know how nice that is. But I do

And you throw your head back laughing, like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause, he never did. I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end. But on a Wednesday in a café, I watched it begin again

You said you never met one girl who had as many James Taylor records as you, but I do.
We tell stories and you don't know why, I'm coming off a little shy. But I do

And you throw your head back laughing, like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause, he never did. I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does is break, and burn, and end. But on a Wednesday in a café, I watched it begin again

And we walked down the block, to my car. And I almost brought him up, but you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas, And I want to talk about that.
And for the first time, what's past is past

And you throw your head back laughing, like a little kid. I think it's strange that you think I'm funny cause, he never did. I've been spending the last 8 months thinking all love ever does
Is break, and burn, and end. But on a Wednesday in a café. I watched it begin again

Another text from her.

From: Taylor>:(

I have a date with him tonight<3  How are you?

I can’t help it, I laugh. David reads the text over my back.

“Cal, she is honestly insane. If I were you I would put the mental hospital on speed dial, “ I laugh even harder. He was right she was going a little insane, but if I am completely honest with myself, I’m pretty sure she always has been. Even when we were dating. She was clingy, I knew that. But, I think the thing that really drove me over the edge is that she expected a prince charming or something. I never said the right thing, and she was never content with anything I did for her.

“Remember your guys’ little shoe incident? You actually felt bad for her!” He said in a joking tone.

“Bro! She started crying! I had to do something!”

The night the shoe incident went down, was definitely when I started to realize that things between us were never going to work out. I was taking her out to dinner, no where fancy, but it had music and I was planning on dancing. And she walked downstairs really dolled up high heels, mini skirt and all. She looked fantastic, but the heels were a little much. I said, and I quote: “Babe, you look great, but the heels might be a little hard to dance in” and then I added a little dance move, to you know, to spice things up. And when I looked up, she looked like she was going to cry. She had the whole quivering lips, slumped shoulders thing going on. And I had absolutely positively no idea what I had done. I thought she stubbed her toe or something, because there was no way whatever I said could upset her to the point where she started crying.

“Whoa what’s wrong?” I asked walking over to rub her back

“I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!” She screamed in my face. Her breathe didn’t smell good either. Not one of her finest moments

“Said What!?” I asked a little frustrated

“That you don’t like my shoes! Would it kill you to give me a compliment once in a while!?” I couldn’t believe she was actually saying this. This chick was high maintenance, but I knew if I didn’t make things better now I would definitely regret it tonight.

“You know what!?,” She screamed, “If my shoes are a little hard to ‘Dance In’ then maybe I should go at all! Go home cal! Don’t call me either!!!”

And after that I just walked out the door. I had nothing to say. I felt bad for making her that upset. So I didn’t call her that night. I figured she needed time to think. Instead I took out my phone and texted David. I was done with girls, I needed videogames or something.

To David:

Hey, I’m coming over. Aite?    A’ight?

From David:

What happened to dance night with your lady!?;)

To David:

Let’s just say, never tell a girl to change out of her heels. She takes it personally

From David:

Ouch, smooth Cal. Come over, Macn’Cheese is already on the stove

To David:

That’s what I’m talking about;) be over in five

So I went over for a while, and told David everything that happened. I felt like a total girl when I was telling him my relationship problems but, someone else had to witness how NONE of this was my fault. And after some “soul searching” or whatever girls call it. I decided to call things off between us. When I told her she flipped. She screamed, and yelled, and cried and I had no idea what to do. I knew she wanted me to take her back, and I felt bad that I didn’t, but there is no way this relationship was ever going to work. So I said sorry, and left. Ever since she had gotten into the habit of texting me how in love she is with her recent dates. Sometimes it’s poems, and sometimes its songs. Most of the time David and I mock them, and I have to admit it’s pretty fun.

From: Taylor

And he threw his head back laughing like a little kid. I think it’s strange that he thinks I’m funny cause you never did...</3

A Room To Overcome

Authors note: I wrote this piece to demonstrate my knowledge of theme. But, before you start reading I would like to point out that the theme of overcoming adversity takes place in many different novels. Such as the hunger games. Katniss has to deal with the loss of her father, taking care of Prim, winning the Hiunger Games, and choosing what boy she wants. In the end she overcame all of these problems, much like the characters in this book overcame theirs.

Imagine you have been locked in an eleven by eleven foot room for seven years. Imagine that this room does not only contain just you, but it also contains a toilet, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a five year old boy that you birthed yourself. Imagine the desperation, the anxiety, the horror. Imagine the reality of Jack and his Ma. In the book ROOM by Emma Donoghue this is the situation. Along with other problems that not only have to be faced, but dealt with. So many problems in fact, that if I had to give this book a theme, overcoming adversity would definitely be it.

“Ma” as her and her son Jack call her, is kidnapped at the age of nineteen. But, seeing as the book is told from the son’s point of view, there isn’t really a lot of information about the mother from before Jack started developing memories. But, throughout the novel, the mother does drop hints that the room is a bad place to be in, and that she was extremely depressed before the birth of her child. The conversation that takes place on the first page of this book happens to be one of them. Jack talks about how when he went to bed one night he was four but when he woke up he was five. And then he continues to ask his mother if he was “minus numbers”. He asks “Up in heaven, was I minus one, minus two, minus three-?” and his mother responds with “Nah, the number’s didn’t start until you zoomed down.” Although Jacks question was answered he responded with “Through skylight. You were sad until I happened in your tummy. “ This implies that before Jack came and gave her something to fight for, Ma, was sad and probably close to giving up hope. Hints like this continue throughout the book. Such as his one “ Ma scrunches up the picture. There’s wet on the table, it makes her white all shiny. ‘Don’t be crying’ I say.’ I can’t help it’ she rubs the tears from her face. ‘Why can’t you help it?’ ‘I wish I could describe it better, I miss it’. “ And at one point she tells her son about her desperate attempts at escaping. Like trying to hit the man who comes into the room every night with a toilet lid, or digging a hole under the room with her nails. So, ma’s problem with depression disappears after the birth of her son.

Although Ma is happier then she was before, she and her son are still faced with being trapped inside of this room. They need to get out somehow but they have no idea how. They get more desperate with every day. The man who trapped them in this room is in debt, and he recently lost his job. If he doesn’t come up with enough money for the house by the end of the month, the bank will foreclose his house. And for Jack and his Ma, this means they have no food, and no electricity. The man will leave them to die in this room, and the bank would never find them in time. So they make a plan. They have Jack pretend he is dead. They roll him up in a rug, and tell the man that he has to be buried immediately. While Jack is in the car on his way to the graveyard, he unravels himself, and goes to inform a man and the poliece about the man, and about his Ma that is still trapped. They are soon free, and the conflict of being stuck in this room is resolved. Yet another reason this book is about overcoming adversity,

Even with these major problems being solved, more problems arrive.  Jack has never been in the outside world. He was born and raised inside of this room. So, he has a hard time comprehending that the things that he thought were “Just pretend” are actually real. He as a hard time with his social skills because the only other person he had every talked to was his mother. He can’t go outside without special clothes and glasses because his skin and eyes have never come in contact with direct sun. The doctors say that since he is still young he will have an easier time adjusting to everything, but even so, things get increasingly hard. He takes stuff from stores because he doesn’t understand the concept of paying for something, and let’s just say his manners need some work. But even so, throughout the book, he starts to make some progress. He spends a few nights without his mom at his grandparents house, and although he get sunburn in the process, he managed a few days outside without all of his special gear on. By the end of the book Jack is making steady progress. This problem is never fully resolved within the length of the book, but it reassures you that this problem is bound to be resolved.

Everyone has problems in their lives, some are bigger than others, and some are smaller. Some have a lot and some have a little. And some face them, and some let them linger. Jack and his Ma faced their problems, and even though it took a lot of time and work, they did it. Overcoming adversity is not an easy thing to do. But they did it, and that is exactly why that is the main theme of this book.

Trees

Trees. Lifeless; but loud. Unresponsive; yet knowledgeable. The way all of them, except things with open arms. No one had ever told them what to do. Let alone how to do it. And yet they survive. So tell me, why do trees sit here content with the world, when everyone else has a problem. People are always changing the world; making things “better”. Thinking that it will give them some sort of fulfillment or achievement. Trees die, every year, and yet they sit there, at ease. Knowing things will be better in the spring. People need to realize happiness is not a thing or a destination. It’s not somewhere you can go, and it’s not something you can change. Happiness is a feeling, and if you would just stop a moment, and let life take you where you need to go, and trust everything will be better in the end. You would experience that feeling a lot more often. If you could just be a tree, happiness will come to you. Be a tree, and believe me, everything will be okay.

A Monster Lives Inside Me

Author's Note: I am currently sick with a little cold, and it's getting a little annoying. But I decided to make the best of it and write a poem about it.. or him I guess. Hope you enjoy! 

A monster lives inside me

Cold, dark, and mean

A monster lives inside me,

And it’s killing me you see

It’s powers make me weak

And it’s laugh makes me frail

All throughout the day I hear,

“Honey, you look pale”

A monster lives inside me,

And it makes me cough and moan

A monster lives inside me,

And I’m pretty sure it’s grown!

Mommy tells me to take a nap

And that I need more vitamin c

I blow my nose for the millionth time

I’ll try sleeping, and we’ll see!

A monster lives inside me

All day long I try to kill it

A monster lives inside me

When I cough it throws a fit

Mommy gives me medicine

And I curl up with a blanket

Mommy comes to tuck me in

And gives my head a pet

A monster lived inside me

But when I woke up he was gone

A monster lived inside me

He didn't stay that long

Today I had to go to school,

But none of my friends were there

The monster stayed with them today

That is so unfair. 

Dave

Authors note: This is  prediction piece on the book, What Happened to Goodbye? There’s a part in this essay where it mentions a “4 a.m. so just so you’re not confused, the definition of 4 a.m.is someone you can call and count on t be there for you even if it is 4 in the morning. I think that covers everything so, enjoy!

Mclean of the book What Happened To Goodbye?  By Sarah Dessen has been anything but herself. She has been the drama queen, the head cheerleader, and the student council president. Every new school comes with a new personality, a fresh start. But, now that her mom is remarried and it is only 8 months until graduation, Mclean finds herself with friends, and a personality that is actually hers. The question is, will she stay? Has being torn away from so many different homes left her incapable or trusting people? And are these new friends capable of being her 4a.m.? I think she will start to put down roots in this town, and I think Dave is going to be the reason why.

Dave offers a comforting aroma. One that Mclean can be herself in. From the very first night Mclean had arrived he was different. Not a bad different, a good different. A different that Mclean could relate to. Dave has family problems too, and he himself had switched schools a couple years back in hopes to ditch his kid genius status of his. I think the fact that Dave and Mclean have this in common will bring them closer together and make Mclean start to understand other people, and that sometimes, it’s easier to have a best friend, than not have to deal with friends at all.

Not only is Dave different, he stays positive as well. He finds ways to encourage Mclean to open up, and stay for as long as she wants. There is a scene in the book where Dave stops by with a pot of chicken noodle soup to help Mclean feel better after getting clocked in the face by her locker earlier that morning. And after taking a  few bites he decides he needs more Thyme. He opens every cupboard and cabinet to find that every single one is empty, except for one, and that one contains a mere 4 bowls, 6 drinking glasses, 2 mugs, silverware, and a couple cooking pans. After teasing her for the lack of kitchen supplies her and her dad own, Mclean confesses that since they move around a lot, being a minimalist is really the easiest option. After all, how often do you use thyme anyways? Later that night, after David had left, Mclean hears knocking at her back door. She opens it up to find a bottle of Thyme and a note sitting on her back porch. The note read: Just in case you decide to stick around. I think that this made Mclean feel welcome. And it made her feel important, as if someone actually cared if she stayed or not. And I think she will fall in love with this feeling, and decide to put down some roots.

The last reason I think that Dave will be the reason Mclean stays, is that in other Sarah Dessen novels that I have previously read, boys have helped girls come to terms with life problems. In the book Along For The Ride a young boy named Eli helps Auden cope with her parents’ divorce, and in the book The Truth About Forever Jason helps Macy realize that life isn’t always about test scores, and that sometimes it’s nice to take a break, and have fun. This is why I think in the book What Happened To Goodbye? Dave will be the one to help Mclean realize, that it’s nice to have friends. And that being yourself, really isn’t as bad as it seems.

So all in all, as cheesy as it seems, I think the boy will save the princess from her friendless tower, and bring her into the real world of being herself. And even if they don’t live happily ever after, I think Dave will change Mclean, for the better.

My Ending

I walk in on my dad and the news lady sucking face. My first reaction was to be disgusted, but after I let it sink in, all I felt was disappointment. My dad never get’s attached, unless he knows he has to leave. This way, it can never turn into something serious, and he can’t get hurt because either way, he is the one to go. I make a noise and they both look up.

“Having fun?” I asked crossing my arms. 

“Mclean!” My dad clumsily stands upward and stables himself on the edge of the couch. “I didn’t think you would be home just yet..”

“It’s fine. Don’t let me be a bother. I’ll be upstairs.” I walk away and take the stairs by two. There are so many things I want to say, but there is no one to listen. Dave pops into my head, and I force myself to forget him. What was the point of getting attached? Although it was only 5, I put my pajamas on, and crawl into bed. There, under the covers, I start to cry. I thought this was the life I wanted. I thought that if I lived like this, I would never have to get hurt. But, what I hadn’t noticed before was, being torn away, is even worse than having to stay. I cry. The sobs never seem to end. And by the time I was done, I was close to eight, and I was exhausted. I fell into a deep sleep, not wanting tomorrow to come.

I wake up at 3:34. I stare at the clock. 3:35. 3:36. Time keeps passing and I need to stay up. I have too. 3:37. 3:38. Finally I can’t take it anymore. I dial his number. It rings five times and finally he picks up.

“Hey... McLean?..?”

“I know it’s not 4 yet but” My voice cracks “ I was hoping you could make an exception..” He laughs a little on the other end.

“ Mclean, what’s wrong?”

“I think I’m moving again” By this time I was crying, hard.

“Your what? Already?”

“I don’t think its official yet... but, I know it’s soon.” We talked longer, and finally he had convinced me to go to sleep, and that everything would be okay.

In the morning I wake up to bacon frying. It was the most unusual thing. I look at the clock, 9:32. Dad should be at work already. I slowly walk down stairs.

“Dad?” I ask. He stops whistling

“Good morning Sunshine!” He says smiling “Eggs over easy or scrambled?” I stared in awe. This was not my dad. My dad is not a morning person, and he defiantly doesn’t cook.

“uhh, scrambled,” I say sitting down. “Why are you in such a good mood?”

“Well,” He beginnings “My boss gave me a new assignment in Hawaii he says! We leave next week! It will be so much fun!” My face goes blank, and he notices.

“You don’t have to come,” he says busing himself, “You can stay with your mom..”

“I don’t want to stay with mom. I want to stay here.”

“Mclean Hawaii will be so much fun! It will be  a great experience! You never mind moving”

“Dad I’m so sick of moving. I want to stay here. I like it here. “
“Mclean, it will be the last time we move before you graduate, it will not be that bad. “

“Dad I’m not moving.”

“Yes you are!”

By this point we were screaming .

“Stop! I don’t want to move!” He slammed a pan down, picked up his coat and left.

I stayed in the kitchen, not sure what to do. Then I walked up stairs, packed a suitcase, and went next door. I knocked softly. This wasn’t a good idea, but I’m doing it anyways.  The door opened and David appeared.

“I was just about to come over,” he says “I could barely understand you last night” He stopped talking and I stare.

“Come with me please.”

“Where?” He asked

“I don’t know, I just I need too” He cut me off.

“Mclean I would go with you anywhere.” He smiled and grabbed my hand. He pulled me to the garage, and opened the door for me. And from there we drove. I don’t know where we are going, or what we are going to do. All I know is I was going to stay. I was going to stay here, with the people that made me happy. With Riley, and Opal, and Heather and Kim. I was going to stay with Dave.